ValueSpeak
A Weekly Column
By Joseph Walker

COPING WITH CRISIS

The world changed this morning.

A thick cloud of smoke and dust still hangs heavily over the New York
City skyline. Firefighters and emergency personnel are responding to
crises in New York and Washington, and who knows where else. Confusion
and concern dominate the nation's airwaves, as America collectively
grapples with . . . what? No one seems to know for sure.

As this is being written, the full extent of the tragedy is unknown.
But this much is certain: the world changed this morning.

Lives have been lost. Families have been forever impacted. Businesses
have been destroyed. And the cultural landscape of the world's most
free and secure nation has been altered just as surely and just as
permanently as has been the physical landscape of New York City.

The events and images of this day will remain with us, burned into our
minds and souls, for years to come. We will all remember where we were
and what we were doing when we first heard the news, just as earlier
generations remember Pearl Harbor, the day President Kennedy was shot,
the Challenger disaster or the Oklahoma City bombing. September 11,
2001, will join other dates of infamy among the historical landmarks of
our generation.

This is a troubling time for all of us. It is a time of uncertainty and
fear. We are going to see horrifying descriptions of death and injury.
There will be angry cries for revenge and retaliation. As a nation, we
will hurt. We will mourn. And we will try to make sense of it all. It
will be a challenge, even for the greatest minds and most astute
observers. But it will be especially difficult for our children. As
much as we'd like to, we can't shield them from all of the horrible
realities of life. They will see and hear what we see and hear. They
will feel everything we feel ­ and then some. And they will watch us,
and take their cues from us. How we respond to this tragedy will affect
how they will respond, and to other times of crisis they will surely
face during their lives.

That's why it is so important that we as adults respond carefully. I'm
no expert, but it seems to me that there are a few things we can do to
help our children ­ and ourselves ­ cope with times of wide-spread
crisis: Watch TV news reports with your children. They are going to be
just as interested in what's going on as you are. So watch together,
and then talk about what you see and hear. Try to help them understand,
as much as possible, what they have seen.

Talk with your children about what they are feeling. There is no one
right way to feel at times like this. We feel what we feel ­ that can't
be controlled. It isn't as important WHAT our children feel, as that
they be given the opportunity to talk about it, and to deal with it.

Mourn with your children. We all grieve in our own way. Some do it
with tears, others with laughter, others with silence. Let them grieve,
and let them see your grief. And then talk about it. Share it.
Experience it together, even if you experience it differently.

Pray with your children. This is a time for faith, a time to draw
courage and strength from our beliefs, whatever they may be. Gather
your children and pray for the victims and their families. Pray for the
men and women who are risking their lives in rescue efforts. Pray for
the medical personnel whose skills and endurance will be sorely taxed in
the coming days. Pray for the President and all who will be making
decisions regarding the appropriate responses to these acts of violence.

And while you're at it, pray for the rest of us. After all, we have to
live in this world.

And the world changed this morning.